The Roller Coaster of Life

When I was a kid I used to love going to amusement parks and riding the roller coasters. I loved the thrill of the dips, flips and turns. My main concerns were how long I would have to wait in line to ride and if my shoes would stay on my feet while riding the up-side down coasters.

Now that I am a grown up (although sometimes I still feel like a little kid) I am still riding roller coasters. I call these the coasters of life. The lines are short for these rides. It seems that before you know it, you are coasting up and down and sometimes spinning all around.

My life has been a very steep roller coaster this week. On Wednesday, I taught my first spin class in LA. The days leading up to the class I felt like I was climbing to the top of that big hill. I was nervous with anticipation. I taught at a few gyms back in St. Louis, so I felt prepared to actually teach. I just wasn't sure if my St. Louis style would vibe with an LA class. Turns out what you need for a successful class does not differ between the mid west and the west coast. Good music and tons of energy make the class. To be honest, I think I enjoyed the LA class better than most of my St. Louis classes. People in LA seem to be more open to a variety of music (bring on the techno!) and give rounds of applause after class. Awesome! I left the gym Wednesday night feeling like myself. I belong in the kind of environment a spinning class provides.

I woke up Thursday morning on the peak of the roller coasters hill. I had climbed up to the top. I quickly came plummeting down to one of the lowest places I have been in a long time. I was in the middle of my morning routine when I head Ants Marching blasting from my cell phone (gotta love making custom ring tones). I thought odd...why is my sister calling me at 6:30am? I figured she was just calling to work out details for her upcoming trip to LA. I didn't realize there could be a problem until I started switching my purse and saw two missed calls from my dad. That's when I started teetering over the edge of the hill. I called my sister back, and she answered the phone in tears. The plummeting began. My sister shared with me that our grandma passed away. You know that feeling you get when riding roller coasters where your stomach feels like it is in your throat? Well you can get that feeling on the coaster of life too.

Thursday was a tough day dealing with the news of my grandma's death. Thankfully, she was not terminally ill or receiving care. She had fallen Wednesday night, went to the ICU and was released to the care of her daughter. She woke up in the middle of the night gasping for air, but didn't want to go back to the hospital. She must have died in her sleep, because she never woke up in the am. I can't help but wonder if she knew her time was nearing an end.

It was difficult to talk to my dad. He wanted to be strong, but I could hear the pain in his voice. I can't imagine the empty feeling he has right now. I am extremely sad that my grandma is not going to be able to see me get married. She loved Joe. But at least she knew we were going to be together.

Thankfully, I called my grandma a couple of weeks ago just to say hi. The puppies woke me up at 6:00am one Sunday. I decided to use the time to reach out to friends and family (something I am awful at doing). I have no feelings of regret or I wish I would have called one last time.

Since I was not able to be with my family, I went into work Thursday mid morning. What a fantastic support system. I am sincerely grateful for the kind emails and for the people that allowed me to share what was going on and how I felt. My puppies comforted me as I sat on the floor in tears Thursday am after receiving the awful news. Joe totally took one for the team and took me out for a martini even after spending the day in San Diego for work.

I know that time will heal this wound. I have already started to climb back up the hill again. I am well aware that what goes up must come down. I just hope that next time I am feeling high on life the descend down is not nearly as steep.