Last night, I was at a colleague's housewarming party. Several people asked me, "Where's your husband?" The words at the time did not mean much (considering that Joe is not yet my husband, but fiance). I am anxious to hear the word husband for the first time after we are married. That's when the word will mean the world to me.
Joe and I have been engaged for nearly one year. Have I let this time pass me by without truly savoring it? So much of my energy and focus has been on the planning process. Yes, invitations were a giant burden (but they ended up being so perfect! Sophisticated and modern, black & white with a splash of hot pink). In terms of planning, everything else has just fallen into place. I can't wait to walk into the reception room and see our vision come together. I picture the dance floor jam packed with people having a blast (at least I sure hope this is the case). I keep overlooking these precious days of our engagement and focusing on the big day. I feel like I need to buy bridal magazines for my flight to STL over Thanksgiving. Not because I need more ideas or help with planning. At this stage in the game, if it is not decided upon, it's not happening. But because, I will never be engaged again. I keep reflecting on the things I have accomplished and done in my life. Have I done everything I ever wanted to as a single person? I can't name one thing I want to do while I am still single (well, with the exception of having a fabulous bachelorette party). Everything I want to do and accomplish in life involves Joe.
When we first got engaged there was no question in my mind about the kind of wedding I wanted to have. Ever since I was a little girl, I have dreamed of a big wedding. As Joe and I started to bring my vision to life, I couldn't help but wonder if we are doing the right thing. We are covering the cost of this big affair and digging ourselves deeper into debt. With each decision comes a deposit and final payment. The amount of money we are spending on one day is sickening. We could buy a new car, furnish our second bedroom, take a honeymoon and add to my purse collection with a Chanel, Louis, Prada and Gucci. My trip to St. Louis last weekend proved to me that we are making the right decision. The cost of this wedding is ridiculous (it doesn't help that I have gone over budget on everything except for the cupcakes. I want a champagne wedding on a beer budget!), but being able to experience the day with all of our friends and family is priceless.
Last weekend I met Joe in St. Louis for a weekend full of wedding planning activities and a good friends' wedding. On Friday night we went to our friends' house for what I thought was going to be a small, intimate dinner party. Joke was on me! I got the surprise of my life. I walked into the house and started hugging the girls I expected at the dinner. I looked up and noticed a person I used to work with taking pictures...random? I glanced to the other side of the room and saw about 60 of our friends and family members. OMG!!!! I was so confused and overwhelmed with emotions. I burst into tears (shocking, I know!) and couldn't breathe. Once I gained some composure, I made my way around the room greeting everyone. It took me a while to learn that this was a surprise shower for ME! That was the moment that confirmed our decision to have a big wedding in St. Louis. I can not believe our wedding party (especially Joe's brother) worked so hard to arrange this event. Every detail screamed K. We had a Christmas tree for gifts with a giant pink bow, pink ornaments and cute little candy rings. Instead of cake, we had an ice cream sundae bar (for those of you that have read past blog posts, you know how I feel about ice cream!). I had my very own engagement ring martini glass that was always full of my favorite cocktail...Pearl Pomegranate vodka and water. DJ Tiesto blasted on the stereo, despite my dad's disapproval of the house music. The food spread...awesome. Humus, meatless pasta, my sis' cheese dip, fruit and these amazing stuffed mushrooms. Heaven! I have never felt so loved in my life. The feeling in that house (can't believe our friends opened up their home for us, thank you!) that night was magical. My bucket was overflowing.
I woke up Saturday morning and met my dad for a long walk around a park. Just like old times. For two hours we walked, I talked and he listened. We discussed everything from the wedding to work to working out to life in general. I miss those weekly therapy and inspirational sessions. I am so blessed to have such a fabulous relationship with my dad. I can't wait for him to walk me down the aisle. He is ringing the bells at the church before our wedding, just like he used to do when he worked at the church when I was a little girl. (Why am I crying now? Are all of these emotions normal?)
Saturday afternoon Joe and I attended a high school friend's wedding. As Joe stood on the alter dressed in his tux fulfilling his groomsman duties, I couldn't help but think of us on the alter saying our vows. Speaking of vows, when we met with the minister before my surprise party and discussed vows I cried. Why? That was when the wedding started to feel real. It is about Joe and I becoming one, not about cake flavors and flower colors.
After the wedding, I went for my trial up-do. Love, love, love my wedding hair. It felt like homecoming or prom until I put on the veil. Not only, did I finally start to feel like a bride (it took 11 months and a giant shower to start to feel like a bride), but now I looked like a bride.
On Sunday, my MOH and I met my florist (for the first time...ah the joys of planning a wedding from far away) and finalized flower choices. We then headed out to one of Joe's relative's homes for another shower. The shower cake..ice cream cake from Cold Stone. Do my friends and family know me or what? We got showered with tons of gifts. Thank you! I left St. Louis after the shower exhausted, but feeling extremely loved and fortunate.
As we head into this final stretch before the wedding, I am trying to enjoy every moment. I am taking in every decision. For every task that I cross off my to-do list, I add 10 more, but it doesn't matter. December 19th is our day. We have tons to do to pull it all together, but I can take pride in the fact that we did it all ourselves (no wedding planners here!) and we did it for our friends and family.
I was starting to wonder if the people I used to see all of the time still cared. I don't do the best job of staying in touch (life has this crazy way of getting in the way). I learned over last weekend that my relationships with friends and family are resilient. They are flexible, but not breakable. We may be 1,800 miles away and not able to talk all of the time, but I know everyone still cares. I can't wait to see them all in the church and then to celebrate with them on the dance floor. I might be in a wedding dress, but I will definitely be dropping it like it's hot! Let the countdown begin and tears flow. I am a very ecstatic bride-to-be! Now, back to that to-do list :)
